Perception

It's been awhile since I've been in school (four years for those of you keeping track at home).  Moreover, I just turned 28 which places me a good 10 years older than the average first year university student.

Now I know I'm there to work, and that I'm not the only mature student.  There are sure to be folks older than me returning to school, some perhaps my age, and a large contingency of students who won't even notice me.  But my own vanity is overwhelming and I feel it necessary to mould how others perceive me. There are three possible approaches:

1.) Cool, Mysterious Older Dude - I get a leather jacket and dark Ray Bans.  I sit in the back of the class by myself, always dressed in the jacket and shades with product-tussled hair.  A toothpick must be present in my mouth at all times. I'll try to keep one leg up on the desk if my dark denim will allow for it.  I will listen to the lectures with an expressionless face, not uttering a word for the first 13 weeks.  During the last class, when I've got everyone in the room wondering what "that quite dude's deal is", I will answer a discussion question eloquently, intelligently and profoundly.  That's the first and last time anybody will hear from me, and I will be a legend.

2.) Just One of the Bros - Neon colours? I've got them on my $200 Adidas sneakers and American Apparel v-neck. My NewEra baseball cap will either be a throwback of a defunct team or a current team in non-traditional colours.  Regardless, the brim of the cap will not be bent. I won't be sitting in class because my skinny jeans will be too tight.  The sides of my head will have to be shaved and the top long enough to emulate Skrillex.  Speaking of Skrillex, I will only listen to dubstep and keep talking to my new friends about how "sick" the "drop" is. I will attend parties not to get drunk or talk to people, but to tweet about how awesome partying is in between taking Instagram photos. #YOLO*

3.) The 2000s Never Died, Man! - I go back to university as I would have in the early-mid 2000s.  My attire will be American Eagle jeans either whiskered or lightly washed across the front, Livestrong bracelet, a t-shirt with a retro or ironic slogan and a Von Dutch trucker cap. When I get people's numbers, I'll whip out an old brick of a Nokia except that I won't be able to call them until I buy a Virgin Mobile top-up card. "Vertigo" by U2 will be played on a constant loop from my 30GB white Apple iPod.  When I invite people over to my pad, posters will be up on the wall representing Vince Carter from the Toronto Raptors, Scarface, Carmen Electra and the cover of Kanye West's "College Dropout". When I invite people over, the Coldplay live 2003 DVD will be playing on the flat screen monitor of my Windows XP sporting PC. Jack Johnson will be on the speakers, though.  Molson Cold Shots all around, as I contemplate blonde streaks in my hair and complain about the War in Iraq and how Facebook is letting people with non-college email address to join.

While any of these options seem viable, the reality is I'm working full time and commuting two hours from to London, staying overnight and going to class one day a week. I'm going to be "that guy with the puffy eyes who always looks angry, has a wrinkled sweater and only seems to subsist on coffee and cream cheese bagels."

*I need to mention that as I type this, I'm listening to "Close to You" by Fun Factory just to illustrate how out of touch I actually am with the bros.